Before I start waffling, I am incredibly happy to endorse the artwork and thoughts of Charlie Mackesey. Charlie has the knack of posting a piece of art in such a timely way. His book “The Boy, The Mole, The Fox and the Horse,” is one of the best books for both adults and children. “Thank you, Charlie.”
Over the years, I have had at least two periods in my life when I have had to go to see the doctor for depression. I always felt somewhat embarrassed by the whole experience. “Men, don’t do mental health, they just tough it out!” “Big boys don’t cry!” And even worse, “But you’re a Christian! You can’t be depressed.” On all counts, I am guilty as charged.
And over the years I have come to learn that being kind to yourself is an absolute essential if you are to recover from any mental health issue, but also if you are to learn how to be kind to others. However much I would like it to be, I’m not talking about bingeing on chocolate, even though I am the World Champion at it!
For me three things began to take on greater importance:
1. I first started walking during a particularly painful time in my life, when those I should have been able to trust rejected and abandoned me. I thought some were my friends. Clearly not. It left me questioning so many things. When we were foster carers, I could be seen almost every day, whatever the weather, walking with a little one in the pram. We are so fortunate to live just ten minutes walk from the beach. Stokes Bay is my safe and happy place. There I can be alone with my thoughts and my conversations with my God, the One I call Papa. During the lockdowns of the global pandemic, I would walk early and see more foxes than people.
2. When we stopped fostering, I started to take my writing seriously. It helps me to process emotions and ideas. I hope that those who read my stuff are also encouraged in the journey they find themselves on.
3. About a year before Covid emerged out of the storm clouds of rumours and accusations, I started to listen to classical crossover music – the likes of Ludovico Einaudi and Alexis French became constant companions to me, when walking and writing. I know some would be shocked by this revelation. I always had a very eclectic taste in music. Now it is just classical crossover. The kindness of the music penetrates the unkindness that, far too often, I live with, especially towards myself.
And I would add time with family and friends. Being with family is, in my opinion, one of the best ways to receive and give kindness.
We live in very troubled times – I don’t need to catalogue the list of things that can throw a spanner in the works of our mental health and damage how we feel about ourselves. Kindness is more a priceless commodity than anything else we might find in this world. And I wonder why kindness is not considered an option to some of the more hurtful and destructive things we use to hurt ourselves and others?
Please ignore the strategies that help me to be kind to myself and then to The Next One, whoever that is. They don’t always work, but on the days they do… they are good days. Find your own ways of developing and growing kindness. Whatever else I believe in, I am convinced that kindness turns ashes into beauty, whoever you are and whatever situation you find yourself in.
Enjoy.
The Papa Journey 