Silence is Golden

I am, by nature, an introvert. I like my own company, at least most of the time. But it is only in the last few years that I have come to crave being alone in a silence that is only broken by my music of choice. 

My choice of music has always been fairly eclectic. From Queen to Crowded House and including a heavy dose of “contemporary worship music.” During our Fostering Years this began to change. Don’t ask me how or why because I can’t remember, I just know it began to happen. I discovered Classical Crossover music, with some film and TV scores mingled in. 

I remember one particular morning. Alfie (not his real name) was one of the children we fostered that we affectionately called our “drugs babies.” There is a heavy price to pay. Sleepless nights and smelly nappies, to name the two that are unforgettable! Lizzie and I resorted to sleeping in shifts, approximately half the night each. I usually did the second shift. If I couldn’t get the little ones to sleep, I would resort to going out in the car, driving to Southampton and back on empty roads, with traffic lights that changed as soon as I approached them. 

I remember one night in particular. I had recently discovered Ludovico Einaudi. It was my go-to choice. On this particular night, I was driving along the coast road. One particular piece came on, entitled “Run.” As I listened, I began to weep, tears flowing from deep within. I played it again. Words began to flow; I was oblivious to Alfie being in the car. I was undone. Very few worship songs ever did this for me, but this piece had savaged me with its beauty and glory. 

We said “goodbye” to our last placement exactly one month before The Covid Years changed our world forever. By then, I had created a growing playlist of Classical Crossover music. I was still waking up at Stupid ‘O’ Clock – it took about a year for my sleeping to settle into anything close to normal. Instead of tossing and turning, I would get up, usually around 04.00 and go for a walk. Technically, it wasn’t silence. My headphones dripped music like honey into the very cells of my being. There was a small band of insomniacs who met each other while out walking – the same every morning, but I bumped into more foxes than people and even the occasional badger. I guess we all felt safer walking at this crazy hour – Covid-19 was surging through communities with an exuberance and vengeance that none had seen before. 

I remember those days with deep affection. I was grieving the passing of mum in the previous January, just before The Covid Years. I was grieving the end of Our Fostering Journey. We were both physically and emotionally worn out. I needed to recharge my batteries. Often those walks were walked in silence with just the healing balm of the music in my ears. Sometimes I heard Divine Love whisper in my ear, words of wisdom and kindness. Rarely We had a conversation. I’m reluctant to glorify my part in those conversations by calling it prayer. We just talked. 

Dylan Morrison is an Irish writer/poet. He is one of my go-to writers. His wisdom is often very insightful. He wrote this:

Silence is the Divine tabernacle, a sacred tent of meeting, the place where we’re at our most real and closest to our Source nature.

That’s why ego, fearful of its psycho-spiritual potential, tries to overdose us with endless, frantic, chatter.

Noise is indeed the Devil’s friend.’ 

I don’t think he’s wrong. So, what is the point of these rambling thoughts? 

The Covid Years have all but gone. And it seems to me that the lessons imposed on us by nature have been largely forgotten. I have changed, for better or worse. That is for others to decide. I love being in My Community, with My People. You might be surprised were you to find out who they are. I care deeply about My People. They help me to emerge out of myself and my self-imposed isolation. So often, Divine Love reveals Themselves through this disparate group of My People. They act as a mirror in which I am able to see myself clearly. 

The Covid Years have all but gone to be replaced by a chaotic world in which hatred and violence are the order of the day. If it isn’t the war in Ukraine or the carnage in Gaza, it is in the knife crime on the streets of the cities of the UK. Our politicians seem too quick to accuse the groups of their choosing, dumping on their weak shoulders the blame for all the ills in our nation. 

While I love My People, I also love the stillness of my now occasional walks along the beach, headphones on, walking sticks clicking on the pavement while gently forcing me to stand up straight. My study is one of many physical safe places. When my internal safe place connects with whichever external safe place I find myself in, I enjoy a deep connection to my God, Divine Love. The gentle call into The Divine Dance is always too attractive to turn down. And there, even with the music gently playing in the background, I discover again, every time, that Silence is Golden.